In the beginning of 2014 I made a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year. Well, that obviously isn't going to happen. I can't even blame my bum knee - it's just not something I made a priority throughout the year. One of the big goals I listed for myself was to not be so hard on myself. This extends beyond my physical appearance (overweight). I think I've come a long way with my personal self esteem and body image. Other areas of my life, however, I found myself continuing to struggle. For example - my walking.
A daily normal goal for walking would be about 10,000 steps a day. Once I was easily able to hit that, I knew I was capable of more. More and more. I was consistently walking over 20K steps a day and working hard to hit that 10 mile mark. Regardless of my shin pain - I pushed myself. I pushed myself so hard and I was so proud of myself as I laid my head to pillow each night. As the weather began to change and the temps to drop, I was even more excited! This is my time of the year! I was out there jogging in the rain, and loving every second of it.
Then, ... I adopted the pup. He has since, slowed me down. I know he needs to get out and work off the energy but he just couldn't keep up with, what had become, my norm. So, I slowed down for him. I was averaging 5 miles a day or so, but still hitting the normal goal of 10K a day. My morale was beginning to tumble. I wanted to do more. I knew I could do more. I knew I needed to do more...
But I was continuing do feel more and more down.
Then,... I fell and sprained my knee..
Wow. Each day that has passed, I thought... "Okay, today I am gong to try to at least make one trip around the loop. I can do it!! I don't care how long it takes, I'm going to do it!!" But, truthfully, I was afraid. Afraid of hurting myself more. Afraid of being out there and not being able to get back up the hill to the Jeep. Friends and family were supportive, telling me it was okay to take the break. Telling me I shouldn't go out there and risk further injury. However, in my head, I was failing myself...big time.
I've sat on the couch with my leg propped up. I've limped from room to room. I struggled on crutches for almost 2 weeks. Some days, I'd head out with the family - shopping, dinner, laughs. Those were great times.. however, stuck on the couch not being able to GET up and do what I want, when I want - was getting to me. In my head, I was thinking "If I don't get back out there and walk, I will eventually sink back into the hole and NOT want to get up and walk."
I began physical therapy yesterday and I was encouraged to try to walk as normally as possible (the actual walking motion - no limping). Yesterday, I walked more than any day since the injury. Today, I hope to beat that - if only by 1 step. It was something I needed. I needed a professional to tell me that it's okay to be sore, to walk through soreness, to push myself again. Of course, I can't go crazy and attempt the 10 miles any time soon. And, truth be told, it will probably be another 2 weeks before I can attempt my normal 3 miles...but, it will happen.
I refuse to sit around while my most favorite time of the year quickly passes by. I will continue to try and forgive my clumsy body and reassure myself that it's okay if I don't always hit the 10 mile mark. Those, almost, 3900 steps yesterday were hard fought..painful steps. It was WORK to get those steps.
I am pretty proud of myself.
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