vanity.

yesterday was my surgical exam.  going in, i wasn't exactly sure what was going to be done.  i was told a couple biopsies of various areas, but the morning of the actual procedure, the doctor told me he didn't need biopsies.  he told me that he was just going to be doing an exam under anesthesia.  truth be told, i still have no idea what happened once i drifted off. 

as i was waking up, i remember constantly being told not to rub my eyes. ha

i was taken back to my room for another hour of "recovery" and my sister in law was brought back to join me.  she had the "luck" to get to tell me the news.  she said that the c. had spread a bit to another close by area and that radiation and chemotherapy was going to be needed.  definitely not what i was hoping for.  so far, class II.  (PET scan to be done tomorrow, and i'm holding onto the hope nothing changes..)

in an split instant, all i thought about was losing my hair.  how crazy is that?!  that was my first and only concern at the moment.  all i am is my hair.  growing up - comment after comment about my long, thick, pretty hair.   more comments than i can count, complementing my eye lashes.  in that very moment (and many, many moments since then over the last 24 hours) it's all i've thought about. 

what does that say about me!!??  i mean, my vanity is no surprise.  i've never cared too much about clothing...but my face? my hair?  it's who i've always been.

and...it's such a stupid concern when compared to what i have going on.