Life, lately.

how i spent my valentine's day.

This is how I've spent most of the last 3 months.  Laying down.  I won't bore everyone with the stupid details, but, I can honestly say I'd prefer a broken toe all over again vs. a bad back/hip. I've had a few great days (read: pain free - thank you Prednisone!) sprinkled throughout the last 3 months and it's those days that have kept me going.  

Those days of logging in over 10K steps.  Those days of finding an awesome new past time of bouncing on a personal trampoline.  Those days felt full of accomplishment!  Those were happy days.  Days filled with smiles and laughter and a real love for competition (even if my brother claims to not care anymore...).  They weren't days filled with much weight loss - but they were full of good mental vibes.  

Recently...

I am struggling.  My "happy" has been achieving my walking goal; surpassing that goal.  However, my goal, now,  is to go further than the day before.  Some days it's not been too difficult.  Some days, getting that extra step has been really tough.  But, I press on.  I move forward.  Yesterday, I had an MRI.  The results were normal.  Great, right!!??  I'm thankful nothing serious is going on - really I am...but when you've been in pain for so long and test after test - image after image - reads as normal?!  Frustration sets in.  Despair sets in.  Sadness settles... and yesterday it hit me hard.  As I read the doctor's note through tear filled eyes, I was giving up.  I felt it deep within, I was done.

Thank God for amazing friends to lift me when I feel so low.  I pressed on.  I beat that 2,874 total and passed by 3,000 before I even realized I had done so.  I was happy.  I felt proud of myself.  So, here I sit, defeated and sad.. but I am moving forward.  I will do all I can to remember the happy from last night...to remember the happy from hitting my first 10 mile day.  I will do it again.  

I will.