life.

i find myself living life in a fog right now.  i know i am not alone in feeling that way.  unfortunately, many people live life feeling this way.  we put on a smile.  we laugh at jokes. we come up with new excuses to not go out with friends.  we try so hard to just get out of bed each morning and socialize with the normal world around us.  we go to work each day.  we function just enough  to make it back home and retire to the couch and close the curtains around us and just breathe.  sometimes i even catch myself thinking... ok, breathe.  and, those are the "normal" times.. other times i'm trying to stop an impending panic attack.  i have to not remind myself to breathe..but have to convince myself to slow down.

it's not a great existence. it just is.

we just are.

we exist.

i am stuck.  i am not sure why i'm even airing my dirty laundry here - other than to hopefully look back on this entry, months from now, and know that i've survived another period of extreme funk in my life.  i know there is "the other side" of these feelings.  i know, one day i'll wake up and something will click and i will choose to be happy again.

like it's a choice.

i suppose i'm choosing the funk now...

i hope to be around the blogging world soon.   

i miss this place.