It's amazing that in one day two different bloggers (both of whom I am proud to call friends!) posted thoughts on how I'm also presently feeling. Maybe it's the Spring in the air.
I encourage you to read both blogs! Katie at Uneasy Pink and Lisa at Randomness at its most Random have different lives and ideas on living life but yet, I can relate to both of them about what they had to say yesterday.
For the past 13 years or so I've been basically trying to figure out who I am. For the better part of my adolescence I was "Sean's girlfriend" or "Josh's sister". After the break up I lost most all of my friends. At least it was people that for the previous 7 years I had considered my friends. After that, I found the internet. Chat rooms & websites full of people looking to become friends and, in some cases, other things. Anyway, I have to admit, I have met some great people. I've also met some really lousy folks.
I've learned a lot about who I am as a friend and, for the most part, I am proud of that person.
I won't change for anyone.
I won't be fake. I can't.
For the past couple years especially, my eyes have been opened to both the "realness" and "fakeness" of people. Recently I made the hard decision to move on and end a certain "era" of my life. I left a lot of people, people that I honestly don't consider friends at this point in my life, behind.
I won't lie. The curiosity isn't gone just yet, but I now realize there is life beyond the one I was living online. That life was no longer fun for me. It's no longer real. In fact, I have learned that maybe it never was real in the first place.
In the past few months I would find myself becoming so angry just reading random words on my computer screen. I found myself really fuming inside. I was filled with such hate for people that I've never even met.
Rationally or not, I was not in a good place. I saw my other friends that were not a part of "that life" and they were living their lives happy. Drama filled or not, they all had lives and lived them with their friends and families and were okay.
It's been a week and I find myself in a better place. I am sure that my current life changes are not yet finished. I have a feeling, like Lisa mentioned, a little more "spring cleaning" may be in order when it comes to my online life... but for now, I'm in an okay place.
What I've been going through pales in comparison to what Katie has lived but what she says is very true for everyone. People need to focus on what is important in their lives and to the lives of those around them.
I have to continue to only control what I can control.. myself and my actions.
It's definitely time to move on and continue to choose to be happy.
No comments:
Post a Comment