i've often heard people say "choose to be happy". really? i'm trying to consciously make that choice every day. i wake up and think today is the day. today i will choose to be happy. i go right into the shower and i realize i'm not happy. i go through the motions and get ready for work. if i'm lucky, a fun song will come on while driving the demon to school and we laugh and sing. then, it's off to work. every conversation i have during the day i fake a smile. i really force myself to laugh if something someone says should get a laugh. all day long i hope that no one comes back to my little dark hole of an office. i hope that the phone doesn't ring so that i don't have to fake friendliness. after work i grab the demon come home and sit. sometimes i sleep...sometimes through dinner. sometimes i force myself to dance. i eat crap. then i will waste the night away online. during the week i really try to lay down by 1am to sleep. the weekends? i'm lucky to be asleep by 3am.
do people actually choose to be sad? am i making the choice to be miserable?
i suppose i make the choice to sit on my ass instead of getting up and dancing.
i suppose i make the choice to stay home instead of going out with friends.
i suppose i make the choice to lay down and nap instead of dancing.
thanksgiving is next week. i have so much to be thankful for this year.
do people have to force themselves to decorate for the holidays? is that normal?
why am i choosing to stay stuck?
:( Sometimes it can't be helped. You can't always force yourself out of this funk without help. I wish there was something I could do for you! <3
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