reality bites.

 "yes, I realize I'm a loser. can we just get this finished so I can get out of here?"

that's the moment I experienced last week.  a day or so after that moment a question was posed in a Facebook group that I'm a part of.. something like... did you ever imagine your life to be the way it is right now?  and again, I was thrown back to the exact moment last Thursday.  who knew that after opening up a new checking account have me feeling like such a loser?

now, keep in mind, it has been a very long time since I've had to open up any account.  I've had my checking account for 18 years.  I didn't know what to expect when I went into the bank but, what I did know was, I only had approximately 45 minutes to spare before having to be home for the demon to be picked up by his dad.  apparently, when you open an account at Fifth Third you also qualify for a couple of other things.  it was these "things" that quickly validated my "loser" status.  

I was hassled to apply for a "pre approved" credit card. (which, I guess, doubles as a debit card)

Dude:  "Do you have a lot of credit debt?"

Me:  "Yes."  read: oh God.. don't ask me how much.
Dude:  "Would you like to apply for the 5/3rd credit card?  You can transfer.. blah blah blah"

Me:  "No thank you.  I'm not interested"  read:  please don't.

Dude:  "I see that you're preapproved you would like to just go ahead and say yes?"

Me:  "Sure."  read:  maybe if I just agree we can move on!

I have a new credit card.

Dude - 1    Me - 0

I was asked about applying for a home equity loan to pay off credit card debt.

Dude:  "Do you own your home?"

Me:  "Yes." read:  hurry up I have to get OUT of here.

Dude:  "I don't know how much debt you have but you can take out a home equity loan and consolidate your bills.  Would that be something you're interested in?"

Me:  "NO." read:  no seriously, shut the hell up.  we don't have much time.

Dude:  "Okay."

No loan.

Dude - 1   Me - 1

I was given a savings account...and here is where I wanted to crawl under my chair.

Dude: "You get a free savings account when you open this checking account."

Me:  "Okay."  read:  who CARES.

Dude:  "Are you saving for anything?"

Me:  "Nope"  read:  saving?  I can barely pay my minimum payments every week.

Dude:  "Vacation?  Christmas?  Something fun?"

Me: "No." read:  is this dude serious?!

Dude:  "Okay.  We'll just throw $30 in there and you can begin saving."

Me:  "Thanks."  read:  sure thing.

Dude - 4    Me - 0

that experience was awful.  so awful that I felt... not only did he win that round, but, he also took my point away!  I'm 34.  I have nothing saved for any type of emergency.  I have a meaningless job.  I don't even know the actual figures of my credit card debt.  I have no idea when/if I'd ever be able to go on vacation.  saving!?  christmas?  if I were to not get a nice chunk of change from the government from the tax return I'd have to add more to the debt by charging everything.  having to say, outloud, that I not only have NO savings but NO real plan to even begin saving was not easy to say.  it was even harder to hear.  

so..to answer the question "did you ever imagine your life would turn out this way?"  I'd have to say a very loud.... HELL NO.  who knew that going into the bank to open a checking account would cause me more headache than going to buy a new car?!