I need a vacation,..from my life.

i've been MIA for a few days from the blog.  most people that read here, are also friends of mine on facebook and have been kept up to date with the crap storm that has been my life recently.  for those of you that are not friends over there here's a recap...

july 2nd, my grannie became weak and very "sick".  i assumed it was dehydration and just generally feeling bad.  it was a very hot day.  she always insists on sitting outside on her enclosed porch in the heat.  i made her drink some tea and a boost.  gradually, after a couple of hours, she started to feel better.  by the morning of the 3rd she was right back to where she was the day before.  i had no idea wtf to do!?  i did the only thing i could and called 911.  after many tests, they determine (on the 4th) that she has a bleeding ulcer.  her blood count was at 6.  normal count for a female is 12!  obviously, the bleeding has been going on for a long time.  it was monday that the ulcer was found and by wednesday she was sent home.

she came home around 4pm and by 7pm she was exactly where she was on the 2nd.  weak and barely able to function.  i helped her shower and by the next morning i was calling 911 and the squad came and took her back.  her blood count was back at a 7.  wtf!?  after another upper scope they see an actively bleeding ulcer and they cauterize it and stop the bleeding.  

she comes home tomorrow.

i'd be lying if i said i was happy and excited.  i'd be lying if i said i was very confident she's ready to come home and take care of herself.  truth is, my life has been stress free for the past week.  i've been relieved knowing that someone is taking care of her.  i've been relieved knowing that i can go to sleep at night and not worry about getting a phone call first thing in the morning that goes a little something like.. "should i call 911 or do you want to check on grandma?"  or a phone call while at work that goes a little something like.."casey?  i think i should go to the hospital, i'm not feeling well."

mentally, i was not able to go to the hospital and visit.  while in the hospital with the demon i spent 19 hours a day in a hospital.  19 hours a day for 2 weeks.  when i went up to sit with grannie on the first day i could feel the walls closing in on me.  i kept looking at the clock trying to think of a real reason to give that i could leave. it was awful, so i knew i could not handle being there daily.  thank god my brother was able and more than willing to step up and cover for me.

the last time i went away for any sort of vacation the boys were around 3/4 years old.  it was just a few days away to a cabin.  the vacation itself was drama filled with a lame boyfriend.. but it was a getaway.  last night, the demon left to go with his father for a week.  they are heading to gatlinburg.  i'm so happy he gets the opportunity to get away from this life, if even just for a week.

i guess my time away from this life will happen in a couple weeks...when the demon is having his second surgery.  i hope i make it to that point...