Crap!

wtf is wrong with me!?  i want to blog every day.  i want  to break out the camera and take pictures.

i have no motivation to do much of anything.  

i need to get the pool uncovered.  i'm about a month behind in opening that damn thing.  but what's the point in rushing?  i uncover it and then i'm in a pissy mood for days/weeks trying to get everything functioning properly and the water clean.  is it really worth it?  the demon's next surgery is scheduled for 7/21/11.  that leaves just a few weeks to get it swimmable.  then what?  a week or more in the hospital again - enough time to come home to a clogged filter and green water.  blech.  but.. no matter how many excuses i can think of not to open it, i know i have to.  there isn't a chance in hell i want to let it sit an entire year with no chemicals being added and the water clearing.  

along with no motivation to get the pool open.. i've lost a lot of motivation when it comes to diet and exercise.  i am happy to report i'm back down to pre hospital weight - a 26lb weight loss since january.  sounds great huh?  i'm not happy with it.  it's not enough.  over 6 months!!  i should be down much more.  i cheat on the diet all the time; almost daily.  again, wtf is wrong with me!?  

moment of truth:  i sabotage all happiness in every aspect of my life.

the demon is doing great!  he's started weaning the prednisone and once he's off of that he can cross 2 more pills off his list. (the steroid and zantac)  he's also not too sore anymore other than the skin surrounding the stoma.  no matter what we do we can't seem to stop the breakdown of the surrounding skin.  i may have to make a trip to the hospital and talk with the wound team.  surely there has to be something i'm missing (or more likely, messing up).  he's to the point of jogging and wanting to actually shoot some hoops outside.  more importantly, he's feeling good enough to be a mouthy preteen again! haaaaa.  the only complaint he has is that he isn't sleeping as well as he would like.  he isn't able to sleep on his stomach and that is how he normally sleeps.  we've made it a week without having to cath the stoma - victory!

okay.. i guess that's all i can think to update everyone on right now.  i don't know if anyone really has the time (or want) to read this anymore :)  but i do hope to find my mojo again and be more regular with updates and posting.  

until next time ♥