Spinning our wheels.

To say that I am frustrated would be an understatement.  I was frustrated back in October.   I think I hit the desperate level back in January.  I'm not sure there is an adequate word to describe where I am right now.

Defeated.

The Demon has continued to struggle in school.  I couldn't even bring myself to take a photo of his report card this quarter.  Normally, I'm all about posting how he's doing to help motivate him to get in gear.  I especially love posting the great grades to reward his hard work.

We met with his teachers last week.  It's taken them three quarters to reach the level of frustration that I was feeling back in October.  Really?!  Well, I'm glad they've decided to join the party.

We have a plan in place and I hope by the time everything is said and done we have an explanation as to why the Demon is the way he is.  Why do I have to tell him every.single.day. to do something that he's supposed to do every.single.day?

Why can he walk past the cat food/water dishes 3 times in the morning and not fill them.  Each and every morning I say "Kane, cat food and water."

Every night - "Get your back pack together for tomorrow morning."

Every morning - "Why isn't your back pack together!?!"

Every afternoon - "If you would have put your back pack together you wouldn't have forgotten your book!"

Every day, twice a day... "Take your probiotics!"

Every day he will leave something at home that he needs for school or leave something at school that is needed at home.  There are times he won't bring home his planner.  He will have tests and not bring home books to study.  In fact, his teacher told me that both she and another teacher told him, twice each, to do an assignment (that was already late) and he didn't do it.  My response to her?  It doesn't surprise me... I live that life every.single.day.

I've never been able to tell him "Go clean your room.", or "Clean up the dining room."  I have to say "Clean your dresser, straighten the floor, put away the toys, clean your desk."  If I'm not specific, something shiny will catch his eye and hours later I will find him drawing or reading a book instead of cleaning his room.  As we're reading some questions that we're supposed to before a doctor's appointment one of them was "Often has trouble maintaining focus on daily tasks"  I didn't get to the word "trouble" before he interrupted me and started talking about a light that he claims to have seen.

Focus!!  Stay focused long enough so we can finish theses forms!

While I know that his success and failure depends mostly on him... we have failed him. We need to shoulder some of this responsibility.

I should have pushed and pushed and kept pushing until we had concrete answers.  I needed to be his voice.

His teachers have seen him decline more and more each year, yet have not once brought up tutoring in school or the idea that maybe it's time to start questioning if there is more going on than just a lazy, unmotivated kid.

From this moment on, I will not care to ruffle feathers.  I will not care to offend his teachers, principal, doctors or counselors.  With every fiber of my being I will fight to get my child the help he needs to succeed.  His failing will mean that I failed him.

I refuse to fail.