welp, i think the official poundage that i'm up since being gone from work is about 8lbs. really? 8 lbs in 18 days. disgusting. the worst part is, now that i'm back at work i have to fight off the urge to eat to stay awake. i'm so tired all the time, and it's so much worse while working. i've found that if i snack it makes staying awake so much easier. not only that, but caffeine is something else i need while working. and, how do i get my caffeine? mt dew, starbucks frappe's or international coffee drinks.. all of which aren't exactly low calorie drinks.
i've not been sleeping well at all lately. i have no idea why. the surgeries are over. the hospital stays are over. the treatment is going well with the demon and his "hole". he's not in pain. my mom is home and healthy. my grannie is still driving everyone crazy..but it's a lot better than even just a month ago.
what is wrong with me?
am i so used to sleeping in the noisy hospital? the super uncomfortable pullout bed? is it possible, now that i'm back on my comfy bed, that it's the problem?
my hip and knee have been killing me lately. of course, it could be the rain or the past 12 days of hell in the hospital...but i know that when i was regularly dancing/exercising i didn't have as many aches & pains. i know i need to exercise so why don't i stop talking about needing to do it..and GET off my ass and DO it?
what is wrong with me?
i know that the fact that i have a very close friend dealing with some deep issues right now isn't helping me and my mood. i am a fixer. i feel like i have to help my friends when they are down and if i can't do that i feel awful. i honestly feel like i should be able to "fix him" and it's not possible. i feel helpless and i hate that feeling. i hate that he is hurting. i hate feeling ignored. and, i especially hate the feeling of being pushed away because he feels like he doesn't want to "burden" me with his issues.
the only thing that is keeping me going right now is the thought of autumn, cooler temperatures, pumpkin farms, haunted events, and halloween right around the corner. if i didn't have that to look forward to right now i may be a ball of fat rolled on the floor in the corner crying.. trying to figure out wtf is wrong with me.
Fwiw, I have found that exercising in the morning really wakes me up and keeps me going during the day. I hate hate hate getting up earlier to do it but afterwards I feel so awake and better about myself for following through. As much as I love my coffee, lately I truly feel I could skip it and be fine. You may wanna try fish oil supplements for your joint pain. The omega 3/6 etc in them are supposed to be great for lots of stuff (I give them to TheBoy for concentration and focus and I just started taking them to hopefully help my gimpy leg and sore knee). I hate that you had to go through such a horrible summer. Chin up! It WILL get better!
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