not in the mood for puntcuation..

i've started this post a dozen times and i just don't know exactly how to say what i want to say.  i don't let myself become close to people very easily...  i'm sure you can tell from reading my blog that i'm pretty jaded when it comes to any type of relationship...  over the past few years i've made some really supportive friends online. .. many of them have also become real life wonderful friends...  i am lucky to have them in my life.

i have come to depend on talking to certain people everyday...  in fact, if i don't talk to certain people every day i start to wonder if they are okay...  while at work (as long as technology permits) i talk throughout the day with friends...  it helps to pass the time...  it helps my funky moods...  it makes me smile. recently, the conversations with a certain friend have really decreased. i never realized how much i depend on that interaction until it's not there anymore...  i don't know whether or not they will read this, or even know it is them that i am talking about but if they do read this i wanted to let them know something...  i thought you should know that even though we don't seem to be talking as regularly as we have over the past couple months please know that i am on the other side of the phone if you ever want or need to find me.

...moment of truth -- i hope you find me, soon.

i miss the conversations.  i miss the jokes.  i miss the smiles.  i miss you.