the countdown has begun. 1 week. 7 days until surgery. this time next week the Demon will be in surgery. i will be at the hospital, biting my nails, trying to pass time. passing time online. maybe i will read? maybe i'll even break out the word search. hell, the surgery could take anywhere from 3 to 6 hours.. maybe i'll do a little bit of everything while i wait.
as the day gets closer things are not getting better for me. i break down, alone, a lot. the worst time of day is the mornings while i'm in the bathroom getting ready for work. i'm not sure why. maybe i do my best thinking in the shower.
while i love and appreciate all of the support i've received over the past few weeks (and i have received a LOT) it's not helping. no matter how many times i'm told "he'll be fine" does not make it so. "they do these types of surgeries all the time." - not on my child. "he's at the best hospital in the country for this surgery!" - doesn't make me feel better. i hate being negative. i hate not having the confidence that everyone else seems to have. my stomach hurts from worry. i'm having trouble sleeping.
it. all. sucks.
i don't want to make anyone reading this feel bad for offering advice and support. without my friends i may be curled up in a ball in the dark somewhere. so,... i deeply thank you all.
I Hate that you and K have to go through this. There is nothing that is going to take your worry away until you see him safe and sound in recovery. Don't feel bad for breaking down. I have no idea how you keep it together to function at all. You and K are amazing. We are all praying with you :) <3
ReplyDeleteI'll be honest. IT F'N SUCKS!!! NO ONE CAN FEEL LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HIS MOMMA! You know I'm here for you, even if all you want to do is watch Lil' Wayne and Eminen rapping "KNIFE!". Lol.
ReplyDeleteP.S. "and da police came"