It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to...

Looking back on life..

If someone told me 11 years ago that I'd be sitting here a single mommy, I wouldn't have believed them.

If someone told me this morning that I'd be so angry tonight at my life situation that I'd be crying, I wouldn't have believed them.

Growing up with a single mom for the majority of my life...life didn't seem this complicated for her. Probably because my dad was never around.

I hate:

• That I feel overwhelmingly bitter and angry.
  

• Myself for projecting that anger toward The Demon.

• That The Demon would rather spend time (sometimes) down the street with his dad.

• That I can never really explain any of my anger to him without coming across as bitter.
  

• That his dad allowed him to call me and ask if it was OK to spend the night.

• That when The Demon came down to get his pills I was so angry I couldn't even look at him.

• That I regret not leaving the ex right away when finding out I was pregnant. Leaving and telling him the baby wasn't his.

• That I give them the power over me to make me so upset that I cry.

I'm jealous:

• Of single moms that don't have a baby daddy in the picture.

• Of people who seem to have the perfect life.

• Of people who can just pick up and leave for vacation whenever they want.

• Women who have the choice to be stay at home moms.

• Of people that are capable of dealing with their feelings in ways other than eating.

I love:

• True friends that allow me to vent, scream and cry.

I guess it's just been a rough night and I'm trying to type it out instead of grabbing the Oreos, ice cream, chips......junk.