I am *that* friend.

You all know, that friend, the one that is always hurt.  That one person in your life where nothing seems to go right and they are always experiencing some sort of trouble.  That annoying, complaining about everything going wrong in their life, person.

I'm afraid to admit, that's me. 

I don't even have to TRY to be that person.  I want  to be the person that can be looked at as doing all she can to accomplish the goals she sets for herself.  I want  to be the person that inspires others to try to push themselves beyond what they think they can do.  I try  to be that person.

I've tried for so long, now, to be the positive - to see the positive.

Let's backtrack for a few... at the end of last year I bought a small trampoline.  It was a cheapie that I found on Amazon.  It was good enough, however, I knew there were better options out there.  I was beginning to get very serious when it came to meeting my goals.  I had lost my walking mojo and I thought if I found a fun way to get some "steps" I would find the motivation I had lost.  I chose this one to replace the cheapie.  So, not totally an inexpensive decision.  I was psyched!

Shortly after hitting my first 7 mile day (which included using the trampoline for 3 days)  I took one step in my office and partially tore my plantar fascia. I was grounded.. no more bouncing.  One day after wearing that lace up brace, intended to heal that injury, I woke up and was dealing with horrific sciatica.  I spent the last few months healing.  Steroids, anti-inflammatory medications, ice, heat, multiple x-rays, an MRI, and soon to be physical therapy.  Now, I'm in no way complaining.  I stopped that weeks ago.  I'm also not blaming any of this on my trampoline.  Everything I've read has shown how beneficial rebounding is for the body. I'm merely giving a bit of history, to lead up to what occurred last night.

I've been  killing  it!  Each day, I've increased my steps and mileage.  I've gone to bed each night, sore, but mentally happier than the day before.  Happy with how far I've come - how hard I've pushed myself!

Last night -

I put in my time on the, above mentioned, trampoline.

I laid down on my bed and iced my back.  

I was going to put in another mile (22 mins) on the "tramp". Finish out my night with more steps the the night before.

I stood up, walked around my beloved tramp...only to crack my poor pinky toe on her metal leg.

I let out the normal, "SON OF A....", and sat down on my bed.  I laughed.  I couldn't believe that thing got me again.  I iced my toe.  Overnight, moving certain ways, the pain woke me.  This morning, it's bruised and swollen.  (I won't subject you to a foot pic..)  It doesn't matter if it's broken..it's just a lousy baby toe.  But, I can't bend it, it hurts to simply SLEEP... how in the hell am I going to keep up with my steps.  I can only hope and pray that it's just deeply bruised and will heal quickly.

FRUSTRATION.

The positive:  it wasn't my big toe.

Life, lately.

how i spent my valentine's day.

This is how I've spent most of the last 3 months.  Laying down.  I won't bore everyone with the stupid details, but, I can honestly say I'd prefer a broken toe all over again vs. a bad back/hip. I've had a few great days (read: pain free - thank you Prednisone!) sprinkled throughout the last 3 months and it's those days that have kept me going.  

Those days of logging in over 10K steps.  Those days of finding an awesome new past time of bouncing on a personal trampoline.  Those days felt full of accomplishment!  Those were happy days.  Days filled with smiles and laughter and a real love for competition (even if my brother claims to not care anymore...).  They weren't days filled with much weight loss - but they were full of good mental vibes.  

Recently...

I am struggling.  My "happy" has been achieving my walking goal; surpassing that goal.  However, my goal, now,  is to go further than the day before.  Some days it's not been too difficult.  Some days, getting that extra step has been really tough.  But, I press on.  I move forward.  Yesterday, I had an MRI.  The results were normal.  Great, right!!??  I'm thankful nothing serious is going on - really I am...but when you've been in pain for so long and test after test - image after image - reads as normal?!  Frustration sets in.  Despair sets in.  Sadness settles... and yesterday it hit me hard.  As I read the doctor's note through tear filled eyes, I was giving up.  I felt it deep within, I was done.

Thank God for amazing friends to lift me when I feel so low.  I pressed on.  I beat that 2,874 total and passed by 3,000 before I even realized I had done so.  I was happy.  I felt proud of myself.  So, here I sit, defeated and sad.. but I am moving forward.  I will do all I can to remember the happy from last night...to remember the happy from hitting my first 10 mile day.  I will do it again.  

I will.

Doing the best I can, and that is enough.

In the beginning of 2014 I made a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year.  Well, that obviously isn't going to happen.  I can't even blame my bum knee - it's just not something I made a priority throughout the year.  One of the big goals I listed for myself was to not be so hard on myself.  This extends beyond my physical appearance (overweight).  I think I've come a long way with my personal self esteem and body image.  Other areas of my life, however, I found myself continuing to struggle.  For example - my walking.

A daily normal goal for walking would be about 10,000 steps a day.  Once I was easily able to hit that, I knew I was capable of more. More and more.  I was consistently walking over 20K steps a day and working hard to hit that 10 mile mark.  Regardless of my shin pain - I pushed myself.  I pushed myself so hard and I was so proud of myself as I laid my head to pillow each night.  As the weather began to change and the temps to drop, I was even more excited!  This is my time of the year!   I was out there jogging in the rain, and loving every second of it.  

Then, ... I adopted the pup.  He has since, slowed me down.  I know he needs to get out and work off the energy but he just couldn't keep up with, what had become, my norm.  So, I slowed down for him.  I was averaging 5 miles a day or so, but still hitting the normal goal of 10K a day.  My morale was beginning to tumble.  I wanted  to do more.  I knew  I could do more.  I knew I needed  to do more...

But I was continuing do feel more and more down.

Then,... I fell and sprained my knee..

Wow.  Each day that has passed, I thought... "Okay, today I am gong to try to at least make one  trip around the loop.  I can do it!!  I don't care how long it takes, I'm going to do it!!"  But, truthfully, I was afraid.  Afraid of hurting myself more.  Afraid of being out there and not being able to get back up the hill to the Jeep.  Friends and family were supportive, telling me it was okay to take the break.  Telling me I shouldn't go out there and risk further injury.  However, in my head, I was failing myself...big time.

I've sat on the couch with my leg propped up.  I've limped from room to room.  I struggled on crutches for almost 2 weeks.  Some days, I'd head out with the family - shopping, dinner, laughs.  Those were great times.. however, stuck on the couch not being able to GET up and do what I want, when I want - was getting to me.  In my head, I was thinking "If I don't get back out there and walk, I will eventually sink back into the hole and NOT want to get up and walk." 

I began physical therapy yesterday and I was encouraged to try to walk as normally as possible (the actual walking motion - no limping).  Yesterday, I walked more than any day since the injury.  Today, I hope to beat that - if only by 1 step.  It was something I needed.  I needed a professional to tell me that it's okay to be sore, to walk through soreness, to push myself again.  Of course, I can't go crazy and attempt the 10 miles any time soon.  And, truth be told, it will probably be another 2 weeks before I can attempt my normal 3 miles...but, it will happen.  

I refuse to sit around while my most favorite time of the year quickly passes by.  I will continue to try and forgive my clumsy body and reassure myself that it's okay if I don't always hit the 10 mile mark.  Those, almost, 3900 steps yesterday were hard fought..painful steps.  It was WORK to get those steps.  

I am pretty proud of myself.

9.22.14

It's the first day of Autumn!!  Ok, so technically it's not officially Autumn until later this evening, but, I sure did my last day of summer dance this morning.  I have a feeling we've not seen the last of the summer temps just yet... but soon!  I can see the end and that's good enough for me.  However, I will miss our frequent trips to Don's Creamy Whip and DQ a bunch!  We'll just have to drive a bit further to eat in at a DQ.. I must have regular sprinkles in my life.

My best walk to date!  If you've been a reader you know I become slightly obsessive. I have a feeling walking/jogging (yes! I have even attempted a bit of a jog while out) has become an obsession to me.  I'm not even sure I can blame competition with my brother anymore.  He doesn't seem to care when I rub my winnings in his face!  But that doesn't even matter to me.  It's almost like I *must* beat myself.  I have to get in more mileage than the day before.  I put in at least 3 miles outside and at least 3 miles inside, daily.  Anything above that happens when I'm sitting on the couch and realize.. uh, I could be watching this TV show while I jog in place.  So.. I do.  I have to get more steps!  Since going to the doctor in July, I've lost 17 lbs.  I don't even care about that.  I rarely weigh myself, but tomorrow I am going for my physical and thought to check.  I am not even overly excited about the weight loss.  It's a strange feeling to honestly not care about weight.  But walking has helped me in ways I can't fully grasp..and I assume that mindset is part of not caring about a number on a scale.

Very rarely do I take photos while I'm out putting my miles in.  My phone is clipped to my waist and I don't want to go through the trouble of unclipping and reclipping.. noway - I won't be slowed down!!  But, one day, I decided to bring Bella with me and she can't hang too well with walking long distances without little breaks.  I walked her down to the creek in between laps and noticed these pretty flowers!  So - I dealt with the hassle for a moment.  Seriously, look at her!!  Her tongue.  Cripes.  I just can't.

Speaking of Autumn.. the best parts of my walks, now, are the falling leaves.  I love the smells as I am walking.  I love the crunch of the leaves.  I love the cool breezes and even love being startled by a toad jumping across my pathway.  I am constantly looking down as to not step on any of the billion daddy long legs that seem to think they don't have to look left and right before crossing the path!  

Every day after work, before I pick the Demon up from school, I walk the cemetery across the street.  I put in about a mile there.  Why I never thought to do that before now, I don't know.  It's so peaceful.  It's a great way to spend the time I'd otherwise be spending angry at jerk parents double parking or not letting me out of my parking spot to leave the lot!!  I've eliminated about 20 mins of anger from my day, just by choosing to walk. 

I can never stay away from Spring Grove Cemetery for too long.  I had an hour to kill before having to be at the school and thought to walk through.  Normally, this place is so big I drive from destination to destination.  This time, I walked.  And, got lost.  Argh!  It was frustrating - especially because I had such limited time.  I had to shoot the Demon a text explaining I may be late and was officially lost.  Then a few turns later I came upon Dexter and knew exactly where I was.  What a beaut!  

That's about all for now.  I hope you've had a wonderful weekend.  Last week I put in a bit over 48 miles... I must beat that!

Enjoy your week. ♥

Another month? Srsly?

How annoying is it when a person types/texts abbreviations like srsly?  Is it really annoying? ha...I do it all the time.  Anywho, I hope the above photo of Belli Boo (Bella) will erase any annoyance I may have already caused. 

If adorable pugs aren't your *thing* maybe the above tombstone will make you smile!  Normally, I don't post graveyard images with a busy background.  I like the focus of my photo to stand alone with only minimal nature in the back.  However, I could not pass up posting this one.  It caught my eye as I wandered - what a moving expression is presented.  Just beautiful!

Okay, so.. yeah, it's been another month since I posted here.  Where does the time go? I need to catch everyone up, in this little blog world of mine, how super exciting the past month has been for me!!

Not really, but it's fun to portray that image - right?

All lameness aside, it's not been too bad around here.   One morning, last week, we had loads of fog roll through Cincinnati.  As the Demon and I set out for school I noticed a bunch of amazing spider webs in the neighbors bushes.  Ahhh!!!  Fall is just around the corner.  I have to keep repeating that fact because, currently, the weather is still TOO warm for my liking.  I know that picture isn't the best quality, but I'm super impressed considering it was taken with my phone!

I've been a walking maniac lately.  And by maniac I mean like 5 miles a day.  I am sure to most people 5 miles is no big deal.  To me?  It's huge.  I've spent many months not wanting to do anything.  Not wanting to get out of bed.  Not wanting to get off the couch.  This burst of energy and motivation is a good thing.  I also attribute my sudden motivation on the fact that I am one of the most competitive people you will know.  Most of you know my love for the video dance game - Just Dance.  I am a beast!!!  I must beat everyone I play.  And, not just beat them..it's my mission to  crush  them.  That leads me to walking... My brother and I each bought a Samsung Galaxy Gear Neo 2, smart watch.  It's now my mission in life to walk more steps in a day than he does.  It's super hard for me, considering I am sitting for 7 hours a day at work while he works on his feet.  I have to cram in as much walking as my fat little body can handle in the moments I have after work.  It's taken me a few days, loads of sweat, and a few blisters..but I think I've found my groove.  I'm pretty proud of myself!  It's also very therapeutic for me to throw my ear buds in and just go..

moment of truth - i do laps in my living room if i have to, in order to annihilate his amount.  let's keep that secret here..

As I take the Demon to school we drive passed these towers.  Every.single.morning I say "Oh, that would have been a beautiful photo.  This day...I captured it!

Something is so picturesque about the metal giants sitting against the beautiful sunrise sky.  It's just amazing.

So, that's about it.  My days consist of waking up entirely too early, driving the Demon to school, working, picking him up, and walking.  Thrown in there are moments of family laughter, homework arguments, and a couple nights filled with dancing.  All in all - not such a bad situation.  

I'll end today's recap with a huge thank you to everyone that still reads this little area of the internets.  A huge thank you for any new readers out there.  I've been told that a few of my Instagram friends have been reading - what a huge honor!  I really appreciate you all for your support over the last few years.  It's meant more than you realize.

I hope to check in soon!  I mean, it's my most favorite time of the year!!  I have to bombard you all with my Autumn obsessions.