365 days later.

it's been a year since you left us.  most days it doesn't seem real. i still find myself sitting around and expecting my phone to ring and picking up to find you on the other line asking me, for the 3rd time this week, to stop by CVS to pick something up for you.  i remember always being so frustrated.. "again!?!  why didn't you tell me you needed lotion yesterday while i was there getting your vitamins!!"  i miss that.  i miss your smile and laughter.

you'll be happy to know that the demon has insisted on keeping up with certain things that he and you used to do together.  we've started religiously watching psych and (reluctantly!) i have to admit it's hilarious and i am so glad that, marathon after marathon, i'm finally caught up with the storyline.  he's adamant about the both of us sitting down together and watching america's got talent.  you know how i felt about that one!  i was always so grateful for you to bite the bullet with that one...  but, for him, i'll cave and sit through the show.  together, we both have agreed to keep the jesus christ superstar tradition alive and strong.  lord help me.. he pushes me to sing each and every.single.song along with the movie.  i imagine you're looking down and laughing at that one!

grannie is just as stubborn as ever.  josh and i were having a conversation yesterday and his frustration is boiling over.  i had to remind him that we all know where he's coming from.. it's all just newer for him.  haa!  i don't think he found the humor in that..but i giggled.

i credit the change in my mindset to losing you.  i really try to think to myself "what would she think?"  "what would she say or do?" every single day.  if i can be even half the mother you were to us to kane.. he will be lucky.  i am so thankful that he was able to spend 13 years growing up with you as a role model... he knows how blessed his life has been.

i know you're better off where you are now.. but selfishly i wish you were still here.

thank you for always pushing josh and i to get along... i don't know how we would've made it through this last year without each other.

love you.