no words.

i think i've got the blogging blahs.

i've wanted to blog and post pictures about the demon's last christmas performance.

i wanted to blog and post pictures about our first trip to the Festival of Lights.

i've wanted to blog and whine about being sick with a head cold and how all of my nails have broken!

...and then yesterday happened..and nothing that i have going on in my life really seemed to matter.  i can't fathom being anyone directly involved in what occurred.  

many mornings are rough for the demon and i.  we argue, we run late, we bicker.  there have even been some mornings where he leaves the car to walk inside his school and we barely say goodbye.  it doesn't happen very often, but it has happened.  you never imagine not seeing your child at the end of the school day.  by then, all the anger and frustration of the morning has disappeared and things are back to normal.  it shouldn't take a situation like that of Netwon, CT to make me realize that those morning arguments are just not worth it.  the very idea that those arguments could be the last interaction i have with my child before such a tragedy could occur makes me physically ill.  

after the Aurora, CO movie shooting it took quite some time to convince the demon it was safe to go to the movies.  even then, our first trip there after the shooting was spent with him occasionally looking over his shoulder throughout the movie.  i hate that he has to grow up and have "lockdown" drills.  i hate that his class has to be taught what to do in the event a person with a gun enters the school.  none of this makes any sort of sense.  

something, in our world, has to change.  i don't know what the answers are, or even where to start, but i pray that we - as a nation - figure it out before something like this happens again.  because, if nothing changes... i can't imagine what could be next.

i can only hope and pray that everyone involved are able to find peace.