i thought i could..

for years, the monday after thanksgiving marks the time at work that i switch the radio station to all christmas all the time.  i'm ready to go - full speed ahead - toward christmas!  i'm excited.  usually.

yesterday i did what i always do.. i switched my radio station.  i was minding my own business bee boppin' to Jingle Bells and dancing in my chair to little Michael and The Jackson Five singing I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus when all of a sudden this came on...

i stopped working.  i started tearing up... to the point that the tears were escaping my eyes.  i couldn't change the song fast enough!  Josh Groban was one of my mom's favorites.  she would play his cd's over and over and loudly.  she converted the demon and he would sit with her and sing along with the cd.

my mood was different for the rest of the day.  i was disappointed in myself that i couldn't just DO it.. i couldn't just listen to the stupid songs and get on with my day.  i let my mind wander and think of sad thoughts instead of happy memories.  i really hope to be able to listen to christmas songs before this season is over.

i have to say that my brother cheered me up later in the day and i'm sure he had no idea how what he did truly affected me.. and if he's reading - thank you!!

speaking of christmas.. i have yet to start decorating.  the demon has a very specific list of items that he wants to put up this year and i am heavily considering leaving the decorating to him.  i'm an over the top control freak.  i've always rearranged ornaments he's put up, nativity scenes that i let him arrange, and even rehang the stockings the way that *I* want them to hang!  this year i'm going to try to do things differently.  this year it's all up to him.  in the grand scheme of things .. who really cares how the house is decorated?  who cares that the ornaments are placed perfectly.  who cares that the tree even HAS ornaments hanging?  who cares how the stockings are hung?  i want to laugh and have a good time.. i don't want to obsess about trying to appear perfect.

so... here's hoping i can let go of the control freak and let the demon have his fun.